Church Cats

A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door.

She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens.

She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll drown those kittens."

Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: "They should have thought of that before they joined my church."

We are but dust??

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?

Three Wise Women

What would have happened if it had been the three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?

• they would have asked directions
  
• arrived on time
  
• helped deliver the baby
  
• cleaned the stable
  
• brought practical gifts
  
• and made a casserole

But what would they have said as they left?

As they left, they would have said:

• Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?
  
• That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!
  
• Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in there?
  
• And that donkey they are riding has seen better days, too!
  
• Want to bet on how long it will take before you get your casserole dish back?
  
• I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!
  
• Virgin, my *%@$! I knew her in school!
  

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!"