EXPLANATION OF GOD

'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'

'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime.

God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'

'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy.
So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'

'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.'

'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God.

They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'

'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'

'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'

'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!

Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach.
This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'

'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'

'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.

And...that's why I believe in God.'

Honoring the Dead

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Randy standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Randy.'

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?'

The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Randy's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"

Letters to a Pastor

Letters to a Pastor

**Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

**Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, age 11, Anderson

**Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every Thursday, even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette.
Age 9, Albany

**Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Chrissy. Age 8, Chicago

**Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you had free donuts. Lorreen Age 9. Tacoma

**Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron

Shirley Goodnest

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her. The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.

Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?"

Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."

The friend said, "Well, who is she?"

"That's just Shirley Goodnest," Timmy replied, "and her daughter Marcy."

"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us? "

"Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!"

Church Cats

A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door.

She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens.

She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll drown those kittens."

Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: "They should have thought of that before they joined my church."

We are but dust??

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?

How to Get to Heaven

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would That get me into Heaven?" "NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me Into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

The devil's in the details

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

The Offering

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're the poorest preacher we've ever had."

Heaven

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

You be Jesus!

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, five, and Ryan, three. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Being given the opportunity to teach and later become Superintendent of the Kindergarten at Bethel UCC was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Each little child with their own personality was precious to me and I always dreaded promotion time when some of them would leave to go to the Primary Department.

We had many funny little incidents, so I would like to open the windows to the years from 1952 to 1964 and title it “Out of the Mouths of Babes.”

The first – one of my little girls came in one morning and said she had come to Sunday School with her grandma and grandpa. She said, “My mama and daddy didn’t get home ‘ til 2:00 o’clock and they didn’t get up.”

At Christmas we would have the Christmas story. We had little costumes and would choose different ones to take part. Chuck W. went home and told his mother, “We had a play and I got to be a wise guy.”

When someone brought a visitor we would have them bring their friend up front and tell us their name and where they were from. We had a little visitor one morning and he said he was from Paducah. The children wanted to know how far that was and I told them and we sang our welcome song to him. A little later we were talking about God’s wonders and all the beauty in His world. I showed a tiny little flower, actually a bloom from a weed, which one of the children had brought. I said, “Even this tiny little flower is one of God’s wonders, too!” Someone said, “What’s its’ name?” and I replied, “I really don’t know if it has a name.” Scott A., who was usually very quiet said, “Maybe it’s a Paducah.” The name Paducah had stuck with him and it is close to petunia.

One dark, rainy morning I told them that I really didn’t want to get up that morning and I asked them if they had a hard time waking up. They all started to talk, so I said, “Raise your hand and I’ll let you tell me who awakened you.” One said, “My mother woke me up.” One said, “I woke up all by myself. My mommy and daddy were still sleeping – they were loving – but they were still sleeping.”

We always smiled when one little girl would run down the hall and bounce into the room – even if we were singing a song, telling a story or praying – and say “I’m here, Teacher,” as if to say, “You can start now.” I have always heard that children tell the truth so when I was standing up front one Sunday and this young lady was sitting in the front row looked up at me and said, “Teacher, you’re prettier than an angel,” I knew in her heart she meant it – and I believed her.

Now when I see these fine young men and women who were my little children, I thank God for opening that window and letting me have a tiny part in guiding them spiritually.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Being given the opportunity to teach and later become Superintendent of the Kindergarten at Bethel UCC was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Each little child with their own personality was precious to me and I always dreaded promotion time when some of them would leave to go to the Primary Department.

We had many funny little incidents, so I would like to open the windows to the years from 1952 to 1964 and title it “Out of the Mouths of Babes.”

The first – one of my little girls came in one morning and said she had come to Sunday School with her grandma and grandpa. She said, “My mama and daddy didn’t get home ‘ til 2:00 o’clock and they didn’t get up.”

At Christmas we would have the Christmas story. We had little costumes and would choose different ones to take part. One young man went home and told his mother, “We had a play and I got to be a wise guy.”

When someone brought a visitor we would have them bring their friend up front and tell us their name and where they were from. We had a little visitor one morning and he said he was from Paducah. The children wanted to know how far that was and I told them and we sang our welcome song to him. A little later we were talking about God’s wonders and all the beauty in His world. I showed a tiny little flower, actually a bloom from a weed, which one of the children had brought. I said, “Even this tiny little flower is one of God’s wonders, too!” Someone said, “What’s its’ name?” and I replied, “I really don’t know if it has a name.” One little boy, who was usually very quiet said, “Maybe it’s a Paducah.” The name Paducah had stuck with him and it is close to petunia.

One dark, rainy morning I told them that I really didn’t want to get up that morning and I asked them if they had a hard time waking up. They all started to talk, so I said, “Raise your hand and I’ll let you tell me who awakened you.” One said, “My mother woke me up.” One said, “I woke up all by myself. My mommy and daddy were still sleeping – they were loving – but they were still sleeping.”

We always smiled when one little girl would run down the hall and bounce into the room – even if we were singing a song, telling a story or praying – and say “I’m here, Teacher,” as if to say, “You can start now.” I have always heard that children tell the truth, so when I was standing up front one Sunday this little girl, sitting in the front row, looked up at me and said, “Teacher, you’re prettier than an angel,” I knew in her heart she meant it – and I believed her.

Now when I see these fine young men and women who were my little children, I thank God for opening that window and letting me have a tiny part in guiding them spiritually.

Kids say the cutest things!

During Children's time at the Sunday morning service, the minister was talking to the children. He leaned over and told one little girl how pretty her dress was. She replied, directly into his microphone, "Yes, mommy says it's a bitch to iron".

First Baptism

First Baptism

When my five-year-old daughter, Jasmine, witnessed her first baptism, she sat enthralled as the minister sprinkled water on the baby, who slept peacefully throughout the entire service.

Only later, when she told her grandparents what she had seen in church, did I understand the reason for her fascination. "Grandma, she announced, our minister hypnotized a baby today!"

The Lord is My Shepherd

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know." (my favorite)

Moses & the Red Sea

Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

A Higher Power

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"

Noah Fishing?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"

Good Samaritan

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."