How To Tell If You Need To Pray At Work

* When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to
everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of
her/him"...You need to pray at work.

* When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and
you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?"..... You need to pray at work.

* When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which
one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at
work.

* When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person
comes in and says, "well at my last office...," and you want to throw a
stapler at him...... You need to pray at work.

* When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses
your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide
underneath your desk......... You need to pray at work.

* When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the
first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!"....
You need to pray at work.

* When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of
paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you
think, "sorry a## M#$^%F%&#s"........ You need to pray at work.

* If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or
flattening someone's tires that you work with...... You need to pray at
work.

* If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone
because you know it's going to lead to their life story .....You need to
pray at work.

* If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray
at work!

LET US ALL BOW OUR HEADS...

Frisbeetarianism

Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Church Cats

A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door.

She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens.

She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll drown those kittens."

Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: "They should have thought of that before they joined my church."

We are but dust??

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?

Three Wise Women

What would have happened if it had been the three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?

• they would have asked directions
  
• arrived on time
  
• helped deliver the baby
  
• cleaned the stable
  
• brought practical gifts
  
• and made a casserole

But what would they have said as they left?

As they left, they would have said:

• Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?
  
• That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!
  
• Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in there?
  
• And that donkey they are riding has seen better days, too!
  
• Want to bet on how long it will take before you get your casserole dish back?
  
• I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!
  
• Virgin, my *%@$! I knew her in school!
  

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!"
 

Christmas Stamps

A lady goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The lady says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptist."